The Lives I’m Not Living

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“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.” 
― Jonathan Safran FoerExtremely Loud and Incredibly Close

 

The one thing I have grown to realize about life is that it certainly ain’t long enough.

 

It won’t matter if I live until I am 30 or 102 or if I had died at 17 – I will never be satisfied with my one life to live.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a dreamer, or one of those touchy-feely folks, or maybe it’s the fact that I want so many things – and I want them so, so badly -but it just seems like this one life is not enough.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my life. Every millisecond of it – the good the bad the ugly the funny the precious the touching the frustrating – I can honestly say my life is a blessed one. But some days it really pains me to think of all of the lives I don’t get to live. Weird? Maybe. Okay, definitely. But let me put it like this…

 

In one life I want to be poor. Poor in terms of money and things. So poor that I make up for my lack of materialistic things with a rich spirt, a fulfilling family and a crazed love for my culture. I think that kind of life would make a beautiful story.

 

In one life I want to be a little more badass. Dibble and dabble in things that aren’t so good for me, live recklessly and play with abandon. I’d like to live irresponsibly – travel the world meeting different people and pay less attention to what society tells me I should be doing. 

 

In one life I’d totally want to be a chunkster. A food blogger maybe. I would want to be one of those people who loves food SO much that they totally disregard any obligation to their health. Indulge in rich foods 24/7 and not think twice. Aw. Yeah.

 

In one life I’d like to be an artist. Someone who doesn’t believe in marriage and dates around and lives in a dump of a messy apartment in the city. Someone who is thin not because of attention to health, but because they spend their money on art supplies and concerts of bands that nobody else has ever heard of. Super trendy – like.

 

In one life I would like to be a little more selfless. I would like to throw my own success to the wind and focus on the less fortunate. Live to volunteer, seek god and do a little soul searching. Again, I’m a touchy – feely kind of girl…

 

The list could go on and on and on, and I like that. I would be concerned if I was ever satisfied with life. I think that the unsatisfying nature of it all is what makes it so wonderful. Your life can go about a zillion trillion different ways, and each will have their own perks and flaws… 

 

We must never be satisfied with life because there is always more life to be had. Always something different to experience. Always things to be discovered. And that to me, at the end of the day, is what makes tomorrow so enticing…

One thought on “The Lives I’m Not Living

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